| It's been forever |
[29 Jan 2007|01:31pm] |
I never write in this journal anymore, and thats really a fantastic thing.
When I had major self confidence issues, constant up and down with friends, failed relationships with severe heartbreak, constant family struggle... etc.
Those were the times that I wanted to write in my journal. That was when I needed to clear my head and get some sort of understanding into how I would possibly pull my shit together and move on.
But it looks like those times have passed.
I logged into my LJ, to re-read a bunch of horrifying times in my life.
Reading this shit at that point I am now, it's insane to think that shit ever happened... because my life is really amazing today, and has been for a long time.
I have the best friends I could ever want / need, I have a solid career working for myself on music that I enjoy, I graduated school and received my Bachelor's degree, and more importantly... I've discovered how to be myself and be comfortable with who I am, and what I have to offer to the world.
Nothing sucks, everything is awesome.
It's been real my LJ. Thanks for always being there for me when I needed it.
-Sam
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| New Girlfriend! |
[10 May 2006|12:48am] |
Here's my new girlfriend.
She's awesome. We're going to be spending a bunch of time together.
-Sam
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| Scientology!!! |
[06 May 2006|01:52pm] |
I spent over and hour in the church of Scientology yesterday...
That is right... over an hour in the church of scientology!!!
The day started off with my best friend courtney and I driving to San Jose to grab dinner, and visit my best buddy Jake.
I then remembered the Oakridge mall has a Dianetics booth (which is basically what sucks you into scientology) where we took a stress test. That was absolutely hilarious, so then we came up with the great idea to go to the actual church of scientology and find out more information.
We drove up, and it's literally covered in money. It's not a church, it's a fucking business marketing tool... trying to literally "sell" you their religion.
We walked in, stated we we're at the oakride mall talking to a man named gary at the dianetics booth, and he informed us to come down to the church (which he did not) to find out more imormation.
We were then invited to sit down, and take a personality test. 200+ questions. probably about 75 fresh quesitons, and the rest are the same questions re-worded.
I did not answer them truthfully... I answered them hoping I'd be everything they did not want, I answered them saying I was happy, rarely felt any depression, I was happy with my personality and my direction, that I like being in control, rather than under, that I never donate money, basically everything the "money scamming cult of scientology" would not want. It took me and my friend courtey a good 20
minutes to fill this out, and it took them literally seconds to grade it and print out a chart.
I then had a very nice man come up to me to talk about my score, I forget his name, but we started off talking about my job and what I do. I told him I worked as a tech on tour, full time, I'm rarely back home, therefore when I'm home, I just crash on friends couches. I do not have an adress, or a cell phone, I gave a fake last name, and then we started to talk about my score.
Somehow, I rated "very unhappy" and "very unstable" and "extremely irresponsible"... which I later found out was akwardly close to the same score my friend Courtney got. He asked me a bunch of questions, asking me why I might be unstable, which in reality is completely false, so I told him possibly because I don't have a set home since I am always out on tour. We went on with this for a good 15 minutes, where he then told me my highest score was in Communication skills. Then, completely contradicting himself, he told me it would be a good idea to consider taking the first course they offer, which is "communication" which (and I qoute) "will help to re-build your communication skills."
...am I lost? I scored the highest on communication, yet I need to take a communication course. Then he slammed it on me. "It does require a small fee, which can fit anyone's budget, and can be used as a tax write off" That fee was $100... which I told him I could barely pay for food, so he then offered to lower the price to $31. And I told him I would consider it.
I then started to ask him some questions, basically trying to seem like I knew nothing about scientology, but I started to soon inch my way in with things I knew that kinda started to get him a tiny bit defensive. He then asked me "have you heard anything negative about scientology?" and then I backed off and pulled the most obvious thing and said "well... of course Tom Cruise being in the media" where he rolled his eyes and then said the best statement ever "The media obviously sways things in their favor, yet Tom Cruise remains the number one most requested actor in scientology, he's obviously doing something right with the tools scientology has offered him."
The more and more we talked, the more difficult it became to hold a straight face. This guy honestly thought he was offering me help in my life. But all around me, all I could see was this scam. I was literally sitting inside of a well known, and Federally prosecuted cult. The biggest selling point for me was walking out, and having the woman courtney was being evaluted by walk up to a bookshelf full of 100's of copies of L Ron Hubbards "Dianetics" (the bible of scientology) and say "Please tell me you will spend the small $8 tonight to buy this book"
... if this woman really wanted to help my friend courntey, she would have given her that book. Just like a catholic priest would most likely hand over a bible to someone with intrest in the church, rathen than tell that person. Go to a bookstore and buy a holy bible.
That place is intense. I'm just so blown away that it exists, and people are in involved with it, and can look at this picture below, go to conventions, and not see how fucking bizarre it is. The entire church of Scientology is fucking massive, with amazing artwork and architecture. Obviously that shit takes a lot of money, and they work purely off "donations" It's a scam, and It's some scary shit. I'm, glad I got a first hand experience of it.
-Sam
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| FINALLY |
[04 Jan 2006|12:44am] |
Got my new pictures up of my place... Tell me what you guys think, honestly.
( CHECK THEM OUT!!! )
YOU LIKE?!
-Sam
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| ....AND!!! |
[22 Dec 2005|12:58pm] |
Shelley just called me and informed me of the Great Fuddruckers incident I forgot to post!
Here goes...
Fuddruckers:
I walk up with shelley and this girl takes our order. I say "Can I have a 1/3rd pound Bacon American Chessburger please."
She says "...ok we only have a bacon cheddar burger. Yea... I want that but with american cheese."
"ok so a bacon cheeseburger, what kind of cheese?" "...UMM AMERICNA?!"
"ok, what size, 13/rd pound or 1/2 pound." "...1/3rd pound"
So she rings me up, with my credit card. then she asks "do you have a pen?" ...no I don't. SHE RUNS TO THE BACK, THEN ASKS SOMEONE TO GET HER A PEN... meanwhile shelley notices their is a pen right next to the register she just can't grab it, so shelley says "hey, there is a pen right here." and the woman goes... Oh ok. DOESN'T PICK IT UP! instead she waits another minute, then I sign the receipt."
Seriously, I have more too.. we went to denny's last night and the woman said "i just need to clear off a table, give me 5 minutes. THERE ARE LIKE 13 OPEN TABLES CLEARED OFF!!! Shit like that, what the fuck?!!!!!
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| What the fuck?! |
[22 Dec 2005|11:52am] |
Is it just me, or has like EVERY fucking place I've gone to in the past 2 months just become ridiculously stupid. All their people who work there are fucking idiots and crazy. Let me explain.
Guitar Center:
Only thing thats great, you bring in cash and they go down on prices. AWESOME.
They fucking blow because their people are idiots. I went in a few months ago and said "I need a channel switching pedal for my amp" the kind woman says ok, here's 3... take your pick. One said MOMENTARY, two said TAP, three said ON/OFF and I said "awesome, I'll take the on off." Her manager then walks by and says "what are you looking for?" and I said "i need just an on off pedal to switch channels on my head with a 1/4 inch output" he looks at all three of them and goes "No, no no dude. You need this MOMENTARY one." and I said... No No No, you see... this says MOMENTARY meaning I'd have to hold the pedal down for channel 2, and once I release it'd snap back to channel one. AND THE FUCKING IDIOT SAID "WHAT WOULD I KNOW, I JUST WORK AT GUITAR CENTER"
WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT?! How can you be so fucking stupid, and try and sell yourself by using Guitar Center as some bragging point.
Red Robbin:
Shelley and I got dinner the other night. First off... the new waitress wasn't very down with the swing of things... thats totallly fine with me. Then the fucking RED ROBBIN mascot comes walking around, and for some reason, Shelley felt it was ok to pull his tail. Instead of laughing it off and playign along, the Red Robbin turned around FUCKING PISSED and started to get up to my face, then I just said "yo dude, it was all her" (and pointed to shelley) and he started to get up in her face. So we're like weirded out. Then I get an Oreo milkshake, drink the whole thing, and start to reach into my cup to grab the Oreo cookie... at the same exact time this manager walked by... looked at me... stopped and said "what are you doing?!" ... and I pulled out the Oreo and said... umm, eating an oreo. And he laughed and walked away. What the hell?!
Musicians Friend:
I bought a refurbished item on their site for half off the normal price (should have been a big hint) I get it, it works for a day and then stops working, so I call them up tell them I need a refund. They say "once we get the item, we will refund your money." Understandable, but still stupid. So I call them up today (5 days after it's been shipped) and say "where's my money?" the woman responds with "we haven't gotten the shipment yet." and I said... ok so what do I do now...? she said "well it's been sitting in our returns department for 3 days now. It arrived Monday. And I said "wait... so you did get it..." "yes we did, but I can't refund you your money to it reaches our department" and i said... where is that department?" "it's the next office over."
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Guitar Center YET AGAIN
I went in there to buy 1... YES 1 microphone called an E604. I walk up to the counter, and I said "hey, I need to buy an e604 by sennheiser" the guy says "ok man, no problem, let me go grab one I'll be right back," I'm a little confused as to why... because under the counter there are 3 YES 3 e604 microphones under the glass in front of him. 7-10 MINUTES LATER he comes back and says "sorry bro, we don't carry those mics" and I said "THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE 3 MICS RIGHT HERE?" he says "oh... OH... THOOOOOOSE E604'S" I said... "yea dude, there is only one type." then he says "ok well I can't sell these to you, these are a 3 pack special, we can only sell them as a 3 pack. (when there is a price code on each one for the price 1 e604 is) Alright fuck it... I leave. Two weeks later, there are two of them in the same space, meaning one of them was already sold. I then ask to buy one, and this new guy goes "yea no problem dude." Bam, happy
MACDONALDS!!!
I drive up, and place my order "yea... can i get a number 9 (chicken nuggets meal) please with a coke" she responds... "ok sir, crispy or soft?" I say..."umm what?" "well sir, you ordered a number 5?" Calmly I said "No, I said a number 9."
Then the fucking idiot DOESN'T GET IT and says "ok... so cirspy or soft?"
Absolutely fed up within only 5 seconds I angrily yell "I said a fucking number 9 not 5, 9 like a cat has nine lives... ...9!"
"ok, can you pull up to the window"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AND!!! The greatest story of them all, the Jack in the box bum:
I'm at Jack in The Box in menlo park, WINDOW DOWN ABOUT TO ORDER and a older white woman bum comes up and says "sir, could you spare some change" and i said "I don't have any change sorry." she walks 2 FEET and says "well how you gonna eat honky?!"
With all this shit, I have NO PATIENCE for stupid people recently, so i responded "hey crackhead, it's 2005... we use credit now"
How the fuck is a white woman going to call me honky, and more importantly.. how is she going to expect to get change after all these years of being homeless. Fucking people.
Thats my new stories. have fun.
-Sam
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| Long awaited news |
[21 Nov 2005|11:16am] |
So much new, But just a small update for now.
I'm starting a new band. Similar to Sigur Ros, Tortoise, and STS 9, Basically all instrumental, groovy, with epic melodies.
All instrumental music, with a guest on every track.
I'm playing guitar,
my buddy Gio (Nozebleed) is doing programing keys and samples,
Nolan (Murder Parade) is playing drums,
and Mike (Murder Parade) most likely will play bass and guitar.
If anyone wants to be apart of it, let me know.
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| New Phone |
[30 Sep 2005|06:00pm] |
I went hi tech and got a sidekick. So I need new phone numbers from people. IM me at BbySpamuel.
-Sam
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[30 Sep 2005|01:31pm] |
My mom just sent me this picture. She has her cast and cone off now. but its such an adorable picture.
-Sam
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| YO! |
[28 Sep 2005|08:19am] |
I am definately having a get together / party at my house this weekend. My mom is going to be gone. Then everyone can meet my newly restored and limping dog Sadie.
Who is interested in coming?
-Sam
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| 5150 |
[26 Sep 2005|04:13pm] |
I'm selling my 5150 for $500
Let me know if interested.
-Sam
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[08 Sep 2005|10:10am] |
In case anyone is interested, I am playing in a new band.
The name is "Murder Parade"
It's basically a Tech Metal/Hardcore/Glassjaswish band.
I don't really write which is the best part, So I'm able to concetrate on playing guitar, improving my chops and all. So its fun because I don't get stressed out over writing perfect songs like I did in The April Chain, or in Nebulous. Basically, my job is to play guitar, and handel all production and recording aspects. Sick stuff. I'm excited about it, we have one demo song up on myspace, and just took new pics yesterday. Check it out here... Murder Parade site
Murder Parade site
-Sam
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| Nothing ever works out for me... |
[28 Aug 2005|03:52am] |
Insane night...
My 7 month old puppy was attacked by two dogs tonight while my mom was walking her,
My mom in the process faught the dogs off and suffered severe bitemarks to her hands, severe as in down the the bone and throwing up from unberable pain.
My dog is in the emergency vet, with a broken leg, and gashes mainly in her neck. They are going to have to perform major major surgeries on her, but the informed me she should be ok, and is hanging in there... just highly medicated.
I was at Shelley's party in san fransisco... completely drunk when the police called me and literally said "we can not authorize any medical work on your dog unless you come home right now to autorize it." My mom had to go to the E.R. and refused to until my dog was sent before her. Kris Newell thank god drove me there and I sobered up real quick and handled the situation.
My mom is home now trying to sleep while throwing up off and on and shivering, borderline shock...
My dog is in a crate in a hospital fighting for her life...
I can't believe this is my life... I absolutely can not believe this. It still hasn't hit me. If I just knew my dog would be ok, I'd be much better. I just lost Casey in January, and I can not loose Sadie to this. Absolutely fucking blow.
-Sam
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| New Orange |
[04 Aug 2005|09:00am] |
There it is... THE BEAST!!!
www.thepandastudios.com
Thats my new site,
Mahal kita. Night night
-Sam
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[15 Jul 2005|10:41am] |
The Cave
2165 Lucretia Ave.
San Jose, CA
8:00 set, Be there at 6:30 - 7:00
Sora, new songs, fun times. :)
-Sam
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| SORA!!! |
[10 Jul 2005|11:09am] |
Ok,
Sora ONE TIME ONLY reunion show
This Friday (July 15th) 8:30 (exact time Sora Plays Thanks Jihad)
The Cave in San Jose, Be there at 7:00 or 7:30 to make it in time.
Should be a blast... 3 New songs (one of them will be posted tomorrow) and great times with the best members.
I'll grab a few pics at practice this week too.
-Sam
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[24 Jun 2005|03:24am] |
I can't write, I can't mix, I can't sleep, I can't really do much right now.
I'm just like... "Fuck... Fuck... Fuck..."
Bad times, are rough times, and eventually they get better. Literally the past I believe 3 summers have all been really shitty. Starting with my mom dating her convct boyfriend and going apeshit on me, to a breakup last year, and now multiple splits in my career, relationships, and musically.
Well fuck this summer too. At the only high point in the future, Sora is playing a reunion show July 16th I believe. Thats seriously all I'm looking forward to in my life right now.
All my entries are like emo. Maybe thats why all the emo kids are on it.
-Sam
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| well fuck |
[12 Jun 2005|10:22pm] |
Ok such a long entry ahead, and a lot of ground to cover, so I'll separate them by subjects
FAMILY
My Family, or "lack of" a family is insane. My sister's graduation from UCLA is this week. I'm heading down after Wednesday to LA with my mom. Where she will meet up with my father after probably 2-3 Years and his fiance Chris. So this is where it all starts.
My mom has a tendency to become very emotional when stressed out. My definition of emotional for her is very different than most people's. She's extremely friendsly, extremely talkative, brings up extremely depressing information to bands i'll be recording like my dog's death and start crying in front of them while I'm in a session. Just a lot of very hard stuff. I want to move my studio into a two bedroom place and live there to get out of my mom's hair and to have a "professional studio" instead of a "home studio"... and when i tossed this idea out towards my mom, she said "i'm only keeping this house for you."
This is the most depressing statement my mom has ever told me, because I love my house very much, my sister loves our house very much, we all do. But what gets interesting is my mom bitches and complains about our house and the upkeep literally every day to me. My mom even told me today "i am almost ready to give away Barry and Sadie (my cat and my dog) because they shit and piss on the carpets too often." My new dog I reccomended to my mom to have a new pet, basically a new friend, and my mom some days says to me "she ruins my life, she makes it a living hell" and other days says to me "she's the best thing thats happened to me" This is a really good example of how my mom is. She is extreme with polar opposites all the time. I'm very depressed with my mom's state. More on this in a moment...
My Dad, after my suspension from school my dad told me that since I am not currently a student, my education account wont pay for my apartment, or my allowance or gas. And he wanted me to pay all of it. And then had the nerve to ask me "how will you pay for the remainder of your school?"
With this, i picked my ass up and booked every day open I had for recording so I can use all my own money rather than my parents. My dad was very against me recording for a job, instead he thought I should put that on hold and my band and work full time, and continue to work when I go back to school (which is impossible considering class is 40-50 hour weeks) I got asked to tour, which was awesome, and now I'm home and booked every day.
My mom cries every day, and is so stressed with her life. She's so afraid about money that she works overtime, and she literally told me she's not mentally healthy and she thinks she should be admitted to a pysche hospital again, but she "can't afford to quit work because I have to pay for yours and Sarah's schooling because your dad isn't"
All this drama around school, so i said "fine I wont go back, i didn't learn much, I'll record and move into a place and pay my own rent" and my mom's response was "absolutely not." So I have to deal with my mom's up and downs. Al of this is really hard on me, all this tension between my parents is killing me. I literally feel sick to my stomach sitting in my room at my house with my mom and all this negative attitudes and depression.
Normally when I'm depressed I spend a shitload of cash, but I have done a really really good job keeping away from that. I'm saving up for a drumset, a new amp, some more equipment. The big bucks can only bring the best equipment and all this hardwork is going to pay off and feel rewarding when i pay $2,000 for the head i've been saving up for for 2 months.
Now here is where it gets deeper. My band...
Everyone asks me "when are you going to play a show." and my honest non-sarcastic response is "most likely never." It's been a year and a few months. My efforts are literally rock bottom, I don't feel inspired, I don't want to play anymore, I really considered throwing in the towel for music and comitting to recording. I called Adrian and we talked for about an hour. it was a very inspiring conversation and really made me think about my possabilities.
In a very simple way of explaining things, i want to take music to a higher level, and I am not going to do that with building up a name locally, I do it by getting talented / "pro" musicians and write our original music to a formula that can be marketed. I'm really not looking forward to going back to school, but I can look at school as a timeline. I basically have a year to get my shit together and write and record a full length album, play a few small shows, and then tour full time the second I am out of school and get an indie to pick it up.
That is my best option for my life, and I need to think about it seriously. When I listen to the april chain, I hear good potential but poor execution. And the best thing for me to do is retire from the april chain and re-evaluate where i am going musically and reform with the right players, the perfect combination.
All this depression and downfall from my family life I always believed put me in a better position in life, and it really has. I wouldn't have thought about a solid future in music if it wasn't for my father's neglegence to my life towards music, and my mom's health. By following a future in music, I'm not just helping myself, i'm really helping my family. My mom can live for herself instead of for my finances and my dad can live his life without worry about my finances and how he and his new wife will get through their weeks.
I just need to put my feelings towards music and compose something beautiful for once, really follow through with the concept album about my mom, and all these musical ideas I have, but never pull off. Maybe a solo soft project, maybe a metal band. I'll figure it out eventually. For now, this is all. I am but one small instrument. :)
-Sam
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| Evaluation and Update |
[10 Jun 2005|02:31am] |
Over the past few days and week, i've been through a lot of stress.
I'm recording literally every day which is amazing. but my small room gets super trashed by the end of the week from all my redbull cans and the fact that i have 9 people in my room at one time. So that blows, then on top of that... my trash is HEAVEN to my beagle puppy who tears apart everything. So my room is gross and I don't really have time to clean it, I guess I'll just wake up early and do it tomorrow.
I forgot why I wrote this, i'm too tired. night.
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| The B-Day Party |
[23 May 2005|10:18pm] |
"Jake's Place"
Saturday May 28th
201 s. 4th st. San Jose, Apt. #732,
8:30 PM
My Cell : 510.449.3687
Who's all comming?
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